The express aisle should be just that. 20 items or less. As I approach the express aisle or a regular isle I am looking for the one with the smallest line and the fewest number of items in the cart. I experienced the express isle from hell the other day. 

The person in front of me was elderly. Granted I qualify for a Golden Buckeye Card, but refuse to admit it. 

What I seen from this point on was pure slow motion. It took for ever for him to place the items on the counter and while putting the items on the counter he gets a check book out. My heart sank! Instead of starting to write the check he just stood there and waited until the clerk process his items. 

The clerk had to tell him the price three times before he heard her. Now he starts writing the check. We are talking about slow motion writing. He finally starts to tear the check out and stopped and went to the ledger and started filling it out. My thoughts we O my God. 

Several minutes later he get the ledger filled out and goes back to removing the check from the check book. The check starts to rip and my heart sinks again. I knew if he had to write another check it would take at least five more minutes. 

The clerk puts the check in a check reader and on the credit card machine a signature is required. The clerk explains sir you need to sign the display panel. He responds with why. So the clerk explains why. He signs, but above the signature box. The clerk request sir you need to sign again you didn't push hard enough. I watch him sign above the box again. I tell the clerk he is signing above the box. On the third try he signs in the box. 

Now he takes his time and starts putting his check book away. Yes it gets better now he starts to put his bags in the cart. Every bit of twenty minutes passed while I watched this ordeal happen. It took me far longer to check out than it did to shop. 

On the way out to the parking I am thinking I hope I don't get behind this person getting out of the parking lot. I thought I got lucky because I didn't. I notice traffic is backed up on the highway. Low and behold there he is driving 30 mph in a 55 mph zone. 

Is this what I have to look forward to in 20 years. Maybe then I will understand.